My Cat Sweetheart
by spirit-of-the-fox10
Summary: Boku no neko koi. Hermoine is crying over Ron and Crookshanks turns into a Neko to show her the love she deserves instead.
1. Chapter 1

(My Cat sweetheart) Boku no neko koi.

Chapter one- Blatant stupidity

Hermione had put up with it all year. She pretended that she wasn't bothered by it. She found a way to look like she wasn't lying about her feelings when she saw Lavender and Ron together, by acting and looking disgusted. This wasn't her hiding her feelings because she actually _was_ disgusted. It was just that she had helped Ron to get on to the quiddich team and now that he had won the first game of the summer, he thought he was all that, and didn't even acknowledge her any more.

Granted, he didn't know that she had given him liquid luck, but then he didn't have to know. He could at least say 'hello' to her instead of going off to Lavender all the time. Lavender hadn't even liked him until he got on the team and Gryffindor won.

Any way, it didn't matter because Hermione was disgusted at their public affections and didn't want to be any part of it. That's what she told herself anyway.

To Harry, it seemed like a bomb waiting to go off.

He tiptoed around his friends, trying to be supportive of Ron's success and giving (hidden-ish) sympathy to Hermione because he knew no matter how much she tried to deny it, she was bothered that her advances had been rejected (unconsciously by Ron) and that she was putting on a brave face, and that she would viciously deny her feelings for;

"That blithering, disgusting, bigot that has no manners with the emotional range of a teaspoon? Merlin, Harry what do you take me for? He's a good friend of mine, just like you, I have no interest in him in that way."

Harry didn't like the obvious tension between his two best friends. So he decided to stay out of it. They would make up and see that they were meant for each other soon enough. And if they didn't, he was slipping them both a love potion. He had been through enough of their 'old married couple' arguments and wouldn't put up with blatant stupidity.

* * *

Hermione entered the common room to find Harry hidden behind his potions text book. That was an obvious sign. Harry would never have studied voluntarily for a potions test that was a month away. Hermione shut her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose, then released it. She kept her head down and proceeded up the stairs keeping her gaze fixed right in front of her as she breezed through the common room and up the stairs. She could hear the squeal of lavender as she went through. She heard the deathly silence that went through the room as she entered and jogged up the stairs.

Well, most of the common room went quiet, and it made Ron look up to see why everyone went quiet for from their previous celebrations.

He saw her. She didn't look at him, but he watched her as she sped up the stairs and across the hall to the left corridor and then disappeared. He turned to Lavender again and the conversations started up more loudly.

The moment had passed.

From the couch, Harry released a sigh that he had been holding. They really needed to sort this out.

HE really needed to sort this out.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two- A rude awakening. And plotting. Lots of plotting.

Crookshanks was woken rudely. He opened his eyes and sat up ready to attack whoever it was when he saw that it was his human-mistress. Her face was red. She had tears in her eyes. He watched as she strode towards her side table and picked up a picture and hurled it across the room. Crookshanks decided it would be safer for him if he vacated to under the bed. Which he did.

Hermione grabbed her pillow and screamed into it. She kept screaming until her throat was hoarse and then she just sniffed and moaned into the pillow. She fell face first on to her bed and swung her legs round so she was lying on the bed properly. Crookshanks found this to be a safe time for him to come out and 'comfort' his human-mistress. He climbed up to the bed and lay on her head. He started to purr.

Despite Hermione's breakdown she couldn't help but smile slightly at the simple annoyance that was her pet cat. Only a cat would wait until you were crying and then decide to want attention. A dog would offer condolences, but a cat would demand attention. She could imagine what Crookshanks was thinking right then.

'I know you're upset but I'm important and I want my head scratched so stop crying and pamper me! I deserve it because I gave you a mouse as a present yesterday. And I put it on your pillow instead of under your bed sheets so that you would see it this time and not scream.'

Hermione's smile stretched to a grin. She tried to knock Crookshanks off her head but was unable to.

'Crookshanks you are seriously heavy. You need to diet. Or stop lying on my head.' Hermione grumbled in her head. She sat up and earned claws gripping into her head and chunks of her hair coming out with claws as Crookshanks slid off her.

"Argh! OW." Hermione winced. Trust a cat.

Crookshanks stared up at her. His big yellow eyes seemingly became larger and stared right into hers. Hermione glared at the adorable-monster-in-the-guise-of-a-cat. She gave in to the demon eyes and scratched his head. She had stayed silent throughout all of the interaction. But Crookshanks knew it was the red-human that caused this. The blonde-human just created anger. And plotting. Lots of plotting. Only the red-human made her cry. He purred.

Hermione's head was filled with contempt. She could only feel immersed anger that was pouring through her whenever she thought of how ungrateful Ron was, how Lavender was so biased and thoughtless that she could only be after Ron because he was on the quiddich team, how Ron had so willingly gone to that air headed bimbo Lavender, How lavender constantly chattered about them getting married within the entire great halls earshot, How Ron had just thrown their relationship out of the window.

Her anger spilled again and she cried into her pillow, all the while being watched by the orange cat on the bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- The origin of Crookshanks

The thing about Crookshanks was that he was more than any cat. He had originated from Japan. He was a cat spirit, which had taken the form of an ordinary cat. Crookshanks had never heard of wizards, until he was trapped by a flying cage and taken through a wall and put in a pet shop full of blue frogs, purple snakes, owls of all kinds, and domesticated lynx X ocelots (apparently called kneasles) and a white panther that stayed in the back for a few years before disappearing one day with a haughty looking human. How Crookshanks wanted to make an appearance as a human and beat it up so as to stop it from thinking it was so superior.

Crookshanks had watched a great number of humans come through the shop, some looking at him, some not, fortunately or them. Unfortunately for the rest of the customers that wanted to buy him (he was amused at that. As though any human could buy a spirit and keep it) he attacked them with brute force, which earned him the name of Crookshanks. His favourite place was to lie just above the door, that way he wouldn't be spotted and he would get sun, when the sun appeared in this damnable place. It was enough to make him want to kill the owner and escape back to Japan, unfortunately for him, he had a spell on him that made him unable to leave the shop until someone had bought him. His pride would not allow him to be brought like some animal.

That was until a group of three children came in through the pet shop door one day. Crookshanks opened one eye when he heard the tinkle of the bell and saw the unassuming children that came in through the door and was just about to close hem when he noticed something.

He noticed something disgusting.

A stain on the earth.

A 40-odd year-old human pretending to be a rat and sitting on a fourteen year old boys shoulder. Crookshanks had been on the earth for many hundreds of years. There were a few things he absolutely loathed. One of them, surprisingly, wasn't paedophiles. They couldn't help being attracted to children, and he himself had had sex with multiple cats that were hundreds of years younger than him. That would make him a paedophile, and he wasn't as stupid to loathe himself. It wasn't because he was pretending to be a rat, as, once again, he would be loathing himself because he was also pretending to be a cat.

The thing that made Crookshanks so disgusted in it was the fact that it was muttering to its self. It served another creature, a snake. This was enemy no1 in Crookshanks eyes. He never trusted a snake. The second thing was that it served the snake while being bound to another creature, i.e. the red-human. The third was that it was planning on killing innocent children while they slept, not even giving them a warning so that they could put up a fair fight, as was normal in feudal Japan.

'What a loathsome creature.' Crookshanks got up, poised in an attack position. He twitched his tail three times, judging the distance. He pounced.

Crookshanks added a new thing to the list of things he loathed that day, over protective humans. Trust a human child to defend the rat. When the child had gone out o the shop, with a snake child, crookshanks stared out the door for a couple of seconds then proceeded to wash his paws and ears when he heard a soft voice. He looked up and saw a deity, a goddess. His golden eyes went large when he saw her, the halo of curly hair radiating purity and power. He was struck stone still. He didn't even flinch when she stroked him, but unconsciously purred. He heard her voice but didn't process the words. It changed when he heard the scratchy knarled voice of the owner though. He snapped out of his stuptor and realised that he had been bought. Bought by an angel. He was the luckiest cat-spirit in the world. He carried on purring while being lifted up and carried out of the shop. He stopped in front of the snake loving rat and snake-child. They appeared to be friends of his new mistress. Crookshanks glared when he was referred to as "that bloody thing"

"I know! Isn't he gorgeous?" came the voice of his angel mistress. Crookshanks purred again. He was in bliss.

The goddess, his mistress, thought he was gorgeous.

Crookshanks knew for a long time that he loved his mistress. He was a centuries old cat spirit. He knew he was in love. The thing was, his mistress didn't know that he loved her. His mistress didn't know that he would do anything for her. She also didn't know who, what, he really was, or how beautiful she was, for some strange reason.

'I could love her better than anyone. No one knows more about her than I.'

And so it became Crookshank's mission to make her fall in love with him. How hard could it be to make a human fall in love with you?

Crookshanks formulated a plan while watching his mistress cry herself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four- operation find out about human concepts of love.

Crookshanks had been gone for a few days. No one had really missed him; they didn't pay attention the bright orange cat, which worked in his favour this time. Because of his problem of being trapped in a pet shop for six years, he couldn't actually turn into a human. After being rescued by his mistress, he found that life as a cat would be easier. However, now that he had a clear plan, he needed to assume a human form, or his plan would fall apart. It took him all night to assume a complete human form, without a tail, ears, paws, obvious claws or any other unsavoury _cat appendages_. It took him all day to relearn how to move properly and to balance without a tail, picking things up using all his fingers and by one by one. It took him the rest of the night to run and leap as agilely as he could originally, through the trees and hiding from the other animals in the forest. At the end of the night he went hunting in his cat form for a vole to give to his mistress. Not a proper human gift, but it's a good cat courting gift.

Crookshanks strutted into the common room of the Griffindor tower, bottlebrush tail struck straight up in the air, proudly showing off the dead shrew in his mouth. He was annoyed by the fact that he couldn't find a vole, but a shrew would have to do. He bounded up the stairs and into his mistress's room and lay the shrew on her pillow.

Crookshanks shifted into his human form and looked around. He searched her small collection of books that she had brought with her for romance novels. No such luck. His mistress was a practical, clever young witch who had no time for such frivolous things. He was going to turn that around. She will learn the pleasures of having a mate by the time he was through with his plan.

Crookshanks shifted back into a cat and walked into the next room. No luck. Neither in the next three rooms. The fifth room, however, had a black lace book. A steamy, dark novel about magic and a couple who where in love and ran away together. Crookshanks took the book with him, skilfully climbing out of the window and up across to the roof, he sat up reading until the light was getting slightly dim and he could hear the pounding feet of children running to put their books away and go to dinner.

Unfortunately, he had under-estimated the problem of getting the book back into the room while in his cat form. It was incredibly difficult to manoeuvre down from the tower roof while having a book in his mouth. He wasn't a inu damn it. He decided to leave it until they had all gone. He thought that he knew the basics of sexual seduction. He just needed a few romance novels now, and maybe a few more erotic novels to pick up a few more techniques. It was horrendous sneaking around the castle and looking for proper romance novels. He eventually found some.

He found that it was extremely awkward to be found in a slitherin wardrobe, however, in true cat fashion, he managed to walk back out with an uncaring aura.

Millicent was startled and confused when she opened her wardrobe and found Hermoines evil cat striding out as though it actually lived in there and it happened all the time. She stood still, following it with her eyes as it headed straight towards the door and out side of the room.

Bloody cat.


End file.
